what i aspire to be.
i’m having a really really hard time differentiating between loving people and being in love with them lately. oy
Tippi Benjamine Okanti Degré, daughter of French wildlife photographers Alain Degré and Sylvie Robert, was born in Namibia. During her childhood she befriended many wild animals, including a 28-year old elephant called Abu and a leopard nicknamed J&B. She was embraced by the Bushmen and the Himba tribespeople of the Kalahari, who taught her how to survive on roots and berries, as well as how to speak their language.
when the scars on your heart disappear
will you forget that they were ever here
oh my dear, my dear, my dear, my dear
OKAY THIS WEEKEND WILL BE FINE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY EVEN THOUGH I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M WEARING OR ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING
blah this is going to be disjointed. spent the hours of 6pm - 4am with my CCP cohort yesterday and it just devolved into feelings on feelings on feelings. masks, giveaway, then telling each individual person what makes them magnificent.
i just… when you have been lucky enough to have such a true bond with people, it’s easy to see how other, shallower relationships in your life pale in comparison. once you know how deeply relationships can grow in love, why would you settle for anything less?
things that were said to me (that i’m tearing up just thinking about):
-that i am comparable to leslie knope (in that i’m willing to drop everything and go and help people)
-that people can tell that i genuinely love and care about them
-that i was a big part of the glue that held an incredibly close group of people together
-that all someone was looking for in a roommate was love and respect, and they know that they will get it from me
-that i was the person who helped others feel welcome at the very beginning, and that people feel safe and open around me
-that i had unique and wonderful thoughts about diversity on my CCP application
-that my expressiveness allows others to be expressive about their feelings as well
-the words “feel, love, and share” are associated with me
-that i am supportive on another level
-that i am brave in allowing myself to feel all the things that i do
fffff i can’t. i can’t, i’m sobbing again. the small things that you do to help people? they REMEMBER. every small action you take to help someone can have magnificent consequences. they are noticed. they are felt. i had no idea things i’d done two and a half years ago would be brought up last year and to know that they were remembered and cherished things was so validating and wonderful.
you know, the best people in your life will think the things you do naturally are amazing little miracles. who think you are so wonderful just by being yourself. not having to prove yourself to be secure in the fact that someone else loves you is a deeply safe feeling.
Question to remember to ask myself: what is enough?
no, don’t be fooled by your own masquerade
you’ve been waiting all your life to win the game
2 more pages to write before I left myself go to bed. I can do it I can do it I can do it AND NOW I’M POSTING ABOUT IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE.
Tomorrow Michelle will be so grateful. COME ON.
Also the amount of stress I’m experiencing is directly correlated to how badly I scratch up my scalp. Ughhhhh mild OCD tendencies
I am so so so obsessed with the songs we’re recording for this upcoming album. They’re so catchy that I have them on repeat. Vocals are done - just a little bit of guitar and mixing left. Please spread the word?